Dear
Mr. Van Munching,
I am going to be a senior in high school
next month. My boyfriend told me that he
is not sure if he wants to date me anymore. He hasn’t officially broken up with
me and says he wants to think about it for awhile.
He says that he’s sorry that I’m so upset,
but he doesn’t know if it’s a good idea to be with someone when we’re just
going to have to break up when we go to college. Do you think he’s right, or is it stupid to
break up now?
Waiting
Dear Waiting,
Your boyfriend is
absolutely, positively right to be so cautious: why date someone when you might
have to break up for college? And then
why have a relationship when you’re actually in college, and you might end up
in different cities after? Come to think
of it, it’s also not smart to be with anyone during the first year or two of
your career, because people transfer.
Tell him from me
that it’s just not safe to date until you’re in your late 20s. Or you have a mortgage. That’s a good sign you’re staying put. Probably.
Sarcasm aside, the
answer to your question is still no, it’s not stupid to break up now. That’s now, as in don’t wait for him to
decide your fate: leave the boy at the curb, and drive on.
My question,
Waiting, is why would you want to be with someone who’s so indecisive about
being with you? I’ll paraphrase the
goofy quote someone posted on Facebook recently: ‘If you want to leave me, I
won’t block the door…I’ll hold it open for you.’ (It was funnier with a strategic curse
word. Everyone but my editor thought
so.)
At best, your
boyfriend is taking you for granted.
He’s sure you’ll wait around while he decides if your relationship is
worth continuing. He’s also shown that
he’s not serious enough about dating you to risk anything, which is really
wimpy considering the worst thing that could happen is that you break up…just like
tens of thousands of other college-bound people do every fall.
Of course, not
everyone in your shoes breaks up when high school ends. Some couples last for a while into
college. Some longer. Some end up together for life, and though
they may pretend to be annoyed by the moniker, secretly love it when they hear people
describe them as “high school sweethearts.”
You know what the
vast majority of the people in those sturdy relationships have in common,
Waiting? They work hard at them. They treat each other with respect. They may even have broken up and gotten back
together somewhere along the line, but they sure don’t whine about ‘not being
certain’ they want to be with their mate.
So don’t wait
around while your boyfriend decides your fate.
Cut him loose. Breaking up
doesn’t mean that you’ll never work it out and maybe date him again. It just means that if you do, it’ll be on
equal footing. In the meantime, find
someone who isn’t wishy-washy about you.
A girl with the
manners to address her local advice columnist as “Mr.” deserves nothing less.
Mr. VM
Dear
Philip:
My coworkers often have “happy hour” in the
office. I am sober and do not
drink. They never think to buy
non-alcoholic beverages for me. They
know I don’t drink – it’s a small office.
Should I say something, or just deal?
Fed Up.
Dear Fed:
You know why your
coworkers drink? To numb themselves from the sting of their own
selfishness. (Heh heh.)
Of course you
should say something. Try some version
of the following to the person tasked with buying supplies for the next office
shindig: “I'd love it if you brought back a Diet Coke/Ginger Ale/(whatever
you drink), along with the stuff you're getting for happy hour.” That’s a perfectly reasonable request…and if
the person responds in any way that isn't “No problem!,” explain calmly that
you feel left out.
Raising my soda in
solidarity,
Philip
