Dear
Philip,
My 84-year-old mother recently bought
herself a dog, not long after my father passed away. I am concerned because
dogs can live a very long time, and she will probably not outlive her new pet.
She may not even be able to take care of him for very long. Her attitude is
that someone will want him when she passes away, and she feels it is too morbid
to discuss the subject now. I am afraid I will be expected to take the dog, as
I am her only child. Any advice?
Pet Free by Choice
Dear Pet Free,
Reason number
3,475 that dogs are better than people: they don’t let their sensitivities get
in the way of good decision making.
Your mother isn’t
keen on talking about the fact that her new pooch will likely outlive her.
That’s understandable; no one wants to think about their own mortality. Her
avoidance of the discomfort involved in discussing reality, however, is pretty
crummy news for the dog she’s just brought into her life. That’s because
without a plan for his future care in place, Rover might follow her into the
great beyond sooner than she probably would have wanted.
Forgive the
bluntness, but that’s a very likely outcome if there isn’t a plan for the care
of your mother’s dog in place before she passes away. Pets who are not taken in
by family or friends go to public shelters; pets who are not adopted from
public shelters within a set time usually face the needle.
So talk to your
mom, Pet Free, and start the conversation with this pretty stark number from
the Humane Society: as many as 500,000 pets end up in shelters each year as a
result of owner death or incapacitation. Well over half those companion animals
will be put down. With that in mind, maybe her sensitivities will seem a little
less important to her. Tell your mom that – like all great things – pet
ownership involves a little planning. Then help her make that plan.
Start with a list
of folks who might be willing to take her dog if and when she can no longer
take care of him. Make sure she comes up with several backups: some people
might say no, and some who initially say yes might have their circumstances
change, and might not be able (or allowed) to have a pet if the day comes that
they’ll be called upon. Then have your mom talk to the people on her list.
One of the things
that will help those people say yes to your mother is the knowledge that the
dog wouldn’t bring financial burden along with his squeaky toys. So have your
mom put a little money aside, or better yet, set up a small trust (which is
legal in Connecticut and most other states) expressly for the expenses that
come with dog ownership. Do a guestimate of food and vet costs based on the
dog’s life expectancy; the amount in the trust can be reduced down the road.
Finally, encourage
your mom to keep a list of all the important things someone who cares for her
dog would want to know. Are there foods he needs to stay away from? How does he
let your mom know when he’s not feeling well? Which toy calms him down, and
where does he like to sleep? That kind of stuff. In fact, making that list will
probably help her get over her sensitivity about discussing the time when she’s
no longer here. That’s because the act of caring for others – of any species –
has a miraculous way of taking us out of ourselves.
Which is something
I hope you’ll consider, Pet Free, when your mom is making that list of
potential pooch caretakers. (If you’re allergic or just really don’t want a
pet, disregard what follows, of course. I’ve been there on both counts…though
now I have two dogs that I love fiercely.) I know that the weight of obligation
can be crushing, but – if you’re at all open to adopting your mother’s final
companion – I think there’s something pretty wonderful about inheriting love.
Yours in tummy
scratching,
Philip
