Dear
Philip,
Why can’t I keep even a simple New Year’s
resolution? I promised myself that I
would lose weight, and almost a week into 2014 I am two pounds heavier than I
was when I woke up on New Year’s Day. How do I make a resolution that I can
stick to?
Quick Failure
Dear Quick:
I’m so confused:
you set an incredibly vague goal at the very end of a stressful holiday week,
and it hasn’t magically worked in seven days?
Shocking.
Greetings from the
Magic Kingdom, where your local advice columnist is writing to you in between
bouts of horrible eating and far too much glee over things meant for people
approximately one-sixth his age. One of
the greatest sights at Disney – aside from the stand that sells gigantic turkey
legs – is the Cinderella Castle, where dwells the young lady who sang, “A dream
is a wish your heart makes.”
Well, Quick, a
resolution is a wish your brain makes; that is, it’s something you know you
ought to do to improve yourself…so maybe it deserves a bit more planning.
You used the word
“simple,” and I think that’s one source of your problem. “Lose weight” is an admirable goal, but it
isn’t much in the way of a plan. Which
is exactly why most people blow their New Year’s resolutions: they have great
intentions, but no road maps. “I’m going
to lose weight.” That’s great, but
how? “I’m going to quit smoking.” Terrific: how? “I’m going to make new friends/get a better
job/date more.” How, how, how?
The other source
of your problem is something my daughter the psychology major explained to me
after I assured my family that I’d be getting to the gym more in ‘14: research
has shown that people derive almost as much pleasure from announcing their
goals as they do from achieving them.
(Isn’t it amazing how we send them to college so that they can mock us
with what they learn there?) It’s a good
point, though: the accomplishment has to be in the doing, not in the saying.
So don’t just make
a resolution; make a plan. Make your
simple commitment a complex one. Start
with what you’ll do to prepare to drop the extra pounds. Realize that healthy weight loss involves
diet and exercise, and set reasonable goals for each. For instance, don’t just tell yourself you’ll
eat less, because that’s too vague and will set you up to overreach and fail: starving
yourself because of a promise made on New Year’s could, say, cause you to gain
two pounds in your first week of dieting…whereby you decide you’re a failure,
give up entirely on your resolution, and write to an advice columnist.
So take a breath,
and grab a pen. What’s a reasonable
plan? Pushing away the bread plate,
maybe? How about exercising some portion
control. Or figuring out one or two
things that get you into trouble, food-wise, and trying to greatly reduce
them. Baby steps, Quick, will help you
lose the baby fat.
Likewise with
exercise. Don’t run out and join an
expensive gym, at least not until you’ve got the exercise habit. Make yourself an easy-to-meet schedule. A half-hour at a convenient time at least a
few days a week; something you can keep to.
Move relatively slowly at first: nothing will end your desire to become
a runner faster than near-death from an attempt at a two-mile jog right off the
bat. Set small, reachable goals: think
perspiration, not Advil.
In all of the
things you do, understand that you’ll fail here and there. Be prepared for the fact that most worthy
treks in life move two steps up, and then one step back. So cut yourself some slack…just don’t let go
of the rope.
Most importantly, Quick,
get started. Don’t wait for another New
Year’s to roll around before deciding that you’re going to do something about
the things that make you unhappy.
Exercise can begin whenever you resolve to put on your sneakers. Good food choices can start on any day of the
year, wherever you may find yourself.
Except maybe the
Magic Kingdom.
Cinderella sends
her love,
Philip
