Dear
Philip,
My wife wants a puppy. My kids want a puppy. I don’t want a puppy, because I know my wife
and kids well enough to know that I will be the one stuck with late-night walks
and training it and cleaning up after it, etc.
Our son is 12 and our daughter is 10, and I have ended up taking care of
hamsters and fish that they have sworn they would take care of.
This is the first time my wife has shown
interest in a pet, and it has caused a little tension that I have put my foot
down. I wouldn’t mind having a dog, but
I don’t want the added responsibility.
How do I make my family happy on this score without ending up resenting
them?
Perplexed
Dear Perplexed,
Dog ownership is
responsibility, hard work, and sacrifice, and should not be entered into by
people who aren’t ready and willing to take those things on. When my wife and girls asked for a dog a few
years back, I said, “No way,” both for the reason you cite and also because I
have asthma, and my doc said I should in no way be a dog owner.
We now have
two. And I have an inhaler.
Bodhi and Charlie
(who would have been Wyatt and Doc, had I had any negotiation skills or had my
family properly appreciated Westerns) each came with sleepless nights early on,
the ability to stain carpets and trash furniture, and a limitless capacity for loyalty
and affection. I can’t imagine what my
hesitation was.
This is not to
side with your family, but merely to point out that if you’re at the “I
wouldn’t mind” stage, I suspect you’d end up just as in love with the puppy as
your wife and kids will be. If you’d
written that you really don’t want a dog, period, I’d advise you not to get
one, period. Instead, I’ll advise you
that your dog isn’t the only one you can train, here.
Let’s start with
you, Perplexed: how on earth did you end up taking care of pets that are meant
specifically to be just enough responsibility for a child? Small pet ownership is a great vehicle for
parenting, in that it allows you to explain to your kids what is required of
them before you’ll let them have the hamster or fish or whatever, and then it
gives you the opportunity to hold them to their end of the bargain. Don’t want to clean the cage? Too bad: no computer time until it’s
done.
Instead of fearing
that your kids won’t show any discipline, realize that you and your wife are
the ones who are supposed to instill it in them. Tell your wife what your concerns about dog
ownership are, and ask for her help in making sure that every one does his or
her part. Explain to your kids that, if
you’re to consider adding to the family, they’ll need to agree to certain
rules. Don’t think of getting a puppy as
a sign that you have no spine, Perplexed; think of it as a way to show some.
Yours in rug
cleaning,
Philip
